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It is close to impossible to write an article about 2020 because it feels as if we have been analysing every moment and everything about ourselves for the past few months. We have not been able to avoid the new and the endless political discourse to the point that at times it is hard to understand how so much has changed in such a short period of time.
It is also close to impossible to write anything positive about this year because there is no doubt in my mind that, if we get out of this pandemic, it will be a year that is talked about for many decades to come. I actually hope that is the case because it would mean that it has not repeated itself and just maybe we will learn a lot from what has happened.
I was thinking about how much things have changed the other night and it dawned on me just how different December 2019 was to December 2020, and how quickly I have managed to adapt to a completely different way of life.
This has not been a good adaptation for me. I have been sad, so sad recently, and the feelings seem to be building up as the situation continues. I cannot imagine being in a similar situation in, for example, April and believe that many others will also struggle should we reach a year from the first lockdowns.
I am in an OK situation and yet it has affected me quite deeply so I dread to think how some people are coping, or not as the case may be. It doesn't feel as though it can go on for too long and all I can look forward to is a big improvement in a few months, and a return to some sense of normality.
As to what normal will be is impossible to predict, but I would take almost any improvement at this point. I woke up this morning to read of huge numbers of deaths in the US followed by disturbing trends in the UK and the chances of a no deal Brexit being very high. I really should not have picked up my phone- I just sighed, got dressed and drove to have some more needles put in my shoulder.
The sense that those in charge are doing us a disservice is ever present and it can feel as though there is no way to avoid the trap between badly intentioned leaders and those who hate Covid so much they do silly things that keep the pandemic going.
At some point we all have to sit down, think as deeply as we can and understand that things have changed forever. It could be a major change, it may be a collection of minor changes, but change is what we have to deal with.
As a collective, our inability to deal with change and the comfort we find in stability in likely not healthy in our new world. We will need to accept that the nature of our diseases is changing, our climate is in peril and we need to adapt accordingly. Part of this will come from electing leaders who care and understand what is fair, but I suspect that education will need to be hugely improved for that to happen, and that will take many years.
I write this in a time when many are saying that there have been many positives in 2020 that we can learn from, but it is on a day (18th December) when the UK news has been particularly depressing and when even a quick diversion home from the shoulder needling appointment to get a coffee increased my stress. Too many not wearing masks and the sense that no matter what 'I' do it will matter little with so many others simply not caring.
I am trying to find positives in 2020, I really am, and it is likely that other things are getting in the way of my rational thinking; worries about my daughter which have exacerbated, missing my son and job concerns create one big cloud and that is maybe the key to 2020.
If you already had personal worries or have them because of what Covid has done to the economy etc it is difficult to see positives in the general situation. If you are in a good place financially and with your family you should be able to see ahead and hope for a better 2021.
I find myself in the middle and it is likely that my natural pessimism has finally come back to haunt me with the sense that any big problem could now be a tipping point whereas previously I just learn, prepare and deal with troublesome situations.
I don't know, this is not me analysing myself and I am just rambling at this point, but it would be good to hear what your 2020's have been like because I suspect that we can all learn from each other and maybe take some positivity from those in a similar situation and those who have found better ways to deal with things.